There’s this unfathomable expectation that people should feel happy all the time and that if you aren’t happy all the time, you’re missing something. I’m here to tell you that’s one of the biggest fucking lies anyone has ever told you. Happiness is important, just as important as anger and sadness. But it is an emotion, not a state of being. And is equally unhealthy to be in a state of constant happiness as it is to be in a state of depression.
Smile More! Be Happy! Chin Up! BULLSHIT
You do not need to forge emotions for the “happiness” of others. Don’t miss interpret me, I don’t mean being in a mean-funk and acting rude is called for. But sitting there in a neutral state of unsmiley-ness is not a crime and don’t let anyone make you feel like it is.
Saying no is a powerful and empowering tool. Respecting your feelings first is not selfish and if you’re struggling with walking that line read Why Practicing Self Love is the Least Selfish Thing You Can Do because there is a huge difference between selfless and selfish.
It’s important to understand that happiness is an emotion, not a state of being. If everyone were happy all the time we’d be a pretty weak and stupid collective. Strength and wisdom comes from overcoming trials and tribulations. Struggle and the experience of coping with painful feelings is what molds humans into their unique self.
Always Being Happy is NOT fucking Normal
Let me say it again so they can hear it in the back. Constant happiness is not fucking normal!!! It is normal to have other feelings. Anxiousness, sluggishness, sadness, depression, anger or being generally unsettled are emotions that tend to come and go more than happiness.
So this is a PSA just for you, if you are not in a constant state of happiness you are normal. There is nothing wrong with you, you are not missing the key ingredient of life. You are perfect.
Understanding the difference between being at peace and being happy is incredibly important. Being at peace is the act of being still and content in the present moment. No additional emotions, just at rest in a peaceful state flowing like water through the motions of life.
Being happy comes in moments of joy when your vibration is raised higher than the neutral level.
Strive for peace not happiness. Peace is longevity happiness is temporary.
Wrapping your head around this is the first step of lifting the weight of “finding happiness” off your shoulders.
When other feelings surface simply observe them, happiness included, and become mindful of your emotions in the scenarios in which they arise. Learning yourself is key to understanding your vibration and neutral state. It also helps you learn what situations to draw toward yourself and what situations to avoid.
Go into it understanding that allllll emotions are equal and temporary, therefore there are no wrong emotions. It is not wrong to feel, however it can be wrong or harmful to get addicted to a certain feeling and keeping yourself there. Typically we do this with the lower vibrating emotions: anger, sadness, depression etc. so be aware and careful. Allow the emotion to come and go like the tides and be open to learning from each one as they do.
Okay if Not Happy, Then How Do I Just Feel Better?
Finding your neutral is funly difficult. There is nothing easy about breaking down and analyzing your emotions for a re-tune. But it’s necessary especially if you feel stuck on a low vibration. And It all starts with defining the why.
Why do I feel this way? Why am I reacting like this? Why is the situation happening in the first place? And Why am I not doing anything to fix it? These four questions will help identify the problem(s).
Isolate the issue and then address how to adjust. Usually the answer revolves around a little extra self love like cutting out the toxic people, things and habits then giving yourself a little extra you-time a day. When I’m feeling low the best thing for me is to write in my journal. No topic or prompt other than the words that roll off my subconscious because by the end of the page I have entirely soul dumped the problem to the cheapest therapist there is, spirit.
Try drinking a cup of warm tea in silent reflection before checking social media and starting your day. Implement a yoga or meditation practice. Go for a walk. Start a hobby. Practice something, anything! Do something for yourself. Whatever that looks like for you, something that isn’t for anyone else on this Earth but you.
It starts with feeling the wounds that are hurting, then allowing them to heal. Something crazy about our species is humans love to feel and have pain. There’s nothing better than having a reason to be miserable or un-chipper, stressed or put out. I’m not sure what it is about having stress or trials that makes us feel like more upstanding adults but in my opinion emotional addiction is the worst addiction to have.
Pick yourself up by the bootstraps and look your misery in the mirror. Dead in the eye and say, no more. Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can by doing something different with positive intention. Become empowered by your actions and creations.
Take a moment to reflect on the way you feel right now after reading what you read. If there were things that popped into your head as things to start or stop really take a moment to honor them. Find the way to implement peace into your life and start, right now. There is no “too late” or “not ready” if you wait for the perfect circumstance to find balance in your life you will live forever off kilter. Do yourself a favor and love you. Love yourself like the amazingly beautiful unique being that you are. You deserve it.