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Self love. It’s one of those things that you hear all the time but hardly hear how to self love. How do you love yourself? It can seem easier to figure out how to love someone else because you know them, you know how to make them smile and what they appreciate, you think about them when you wake up, before you go to sleep. Little details like “what’d you eat for breakfast” and “did you get enough sleep” are important because their well-being is important to you.
Well.. That’s how you begin to love yourself too. By getting to know you. Think about your needs first thing in the morning and last thing before you go to sleep. And do things that make you feel good. Still not computing? Good, that’s what this whole post is for.
Getting to Know You
What do I mean by this? Who knows you better than you already, right? But.. how good do you really know you? Other than I like this and don’t like that blah blah etc. If you were the last person on this beautiful planet, would you absolutely lose your mind? Or would you enjoy the company of yourself?
I read something somewhere that said “Be who you’d want to be best friends with.” and it’s always resonated with me. I want to be the person I look up too and want to spend my time with most.
Get to know your interests and explore them. You already look up to people with the exciting hobbies and firing passion, what is keeping you from exploring your own? It’s so inspiring to see people act in what makes their soul sing, start inspiring yourself.
Remember this, everyone was a beginner at some point. Don’t sell yourself short or shut yourself down with “I can’t do it” or “I wouldn’t be good at this”. You don’t know unless you try and if you’re “bad” doing something that you love and are interested in.. is it really bad? You don’t need special qualifications to start. Just the basic will to begin.
Dip your toe in the waters that intrigue you most. Begin to mold yourself like the beautiful sculpture you are, as you seek the things that make your soul sing, those same things will begin to seek you.
Observe Your Self
This was touched on slightly in my last post, A Guide To Re-Tuning Your Self, but it’s really important to do, so I’ll mention it again. This is beyond a meditation or mindfulness practice. This is developing self awareness to guide your self development. Find the traits in you that you love and don’t love so you can adjust and ultimately own who you are.
BE SILENT. Stop talking. Stop reacting. I don’t mean this in a disconnected way, still stay very much present in people’s conversations and interactions, just simply observe yourself. When you get an impulse to make a joke or contribute to the conversation genuinely take a moment to think about the why.
Why did I want to say that, why did I want to crack that joke or make that comment? Why am I contributing to this at all? Does this interaction align with who I want to be? Am I helping or hindering myself from being in this exact moment with these people in this setting?
Get to know you by being present for you. Question your Self and define what it is that makes up your beautiful being. It’s so common to only think about yourself through the filter of how everyone else sees you. Or how you think everyone else sees you rather. Well. Fuck that filter. How you see your Self is much more important, and it all starts with opening that eye to see it and that starts with simple observation. Looking at your thoughts from your mind’s mind. Fun stuff.
Start Saying No
It’s a simple two letter word. It means the same in multiple languages and is one of the quickest and easiest words to spit out. So why are we so afraid of using it?
We have this embedded fear of letting people down or hurting others feelings with our actions and it’s looked at as selfish if the needs of YOU are put in front of others. But, that’s just not the case. Selfish is a synonym for Ego, when your “better interest” is done from the heart of Ego it is selfish, when it is done from the stance of spirit and love, it’s selflove..
selfish vs. selflove.
Now, when I say from the stance of spirit and love that means that your decision, while an empathetic one, is one made with the understanding of ALL parties.. Including yourself. Does this mean you’ll never disappoint anyone? No. That’s going to happen whether you try or not. This means you will be acting from a place of genuine-ness and not spite or self gain at someone else’s demise.
This is a confusing boundary because honestly it’s not one we’re ever taught really.
Wear that itchy sweater you hate because your grandma got it for you and will make her happy. Go to church so you don’t let down your mom/dad. Put on a smile because your attitude will ruin her special day. We’re all taught to be people please-ers. Well where the fuck do you fit into that equation?
It’s time to figure it out.
Everyone’s self love equation is going to look different, but it’s one that needs to be written out. Decide what you’re doing in your life right now that doesn’t resonate with your highest you. Decide who you’re keeping in your life that sucks your energy. Decide how to start becoming the best most interesting form of yourself. For YOU!
Don’t Give Up
This is probably the most important point. You’re not going to do a complete 180 over night. It has taken every day of your life to get to this point, it’s going to take a lot of days to turn that around.
This is a practice. Self love is a practice just like meditation and mindfulness. Practice doesn’t make perfect, it makes progress. Every time you consciously work on something you are becoming better than the last time. So when you’re feeling low and like it’s not worth it, take a moment for you.
My favorite thing to do when I feel low like that is literally isolating myself for a bit, allowing my Self to sit in the conscious presence of only my Self and begin writing a “thank you” page. A whole gratitude journal full of “i’m thankful for” sentences. That always gets me back on the right frequency and reminds me why I’m on this journey.
Know that in order to make adjustments to your reality you HAVE TO MAKE ADJUSTMENTS. These adjustments are going to come in the form of micro-baby steps and if you stop adjusting you’re going to stop seeing movement. The law of attraction is a beautiful tool when used properly. But it can also be a bitch if you’re not careful.
What you seek is seeking you.. If you’re seeking self love, confidence and peace of heart it will come. If you’re honing in on it “not working” your negative feelings etc, well that’s what you’re going to get more of. They don’t say when it rains it pours for nothing..
So make sure it’s pouring love. Self love ♥
How do you practice self love? Let me know in the comments 🙂